A Watched Pot Never Boils

When I think about my life, most things are moving along just swimmingly. I had my Master's degree at the age of 23 and I am working in a great job in an organization I enjoy. I am excited about work most days and the hours just fly by, most people can't say that. I really like the town I live in, and I am surrounded by amazing recreational opportunities both by land and sea. Some of my dearest friends live very nearby, my family is within a stone's throw, and those folks that aren't close to me in geography are kind enough to come visit once in awhile. All in all, I am blessed.

And yet, I can't help but feel a nagging in the back of my head; like an itch you can't scratch or the ticking of the crocodile's clock in Peter Pan, and that itch or that ticking has one single message: SINGLE, SINGLE, SINGLE. Most days I am loathe to admit how desperately I want to be in a relationship, I don't NEED anyone. But then, there is a difference between need and WANT and I very much want someone in my life.

I have admitted here before what a freak I am when it comes to my almost obsessive need to be social. But my desire to be with someone goes far beyond my need to be social--it is much more mundane than that. As I sat down to what felt like my umpteenth dinner alone this week, or month, or year (at 8 pm) I thought to myself wouldn't it be nice to have someone who would wait for me to eat, would want to go on a nice after dinner walk, or just sit and read with me for awhile?

Yes, all of that would be nice. However, after an extensive poll (which means I asked my office mates and a few other random individuals over the course of the last month or so) I have learned that what everyone says seems to be pretty much all true: love only comes along when you give up looking for it, or when you are least expecting it.

So, I have decided something, which might seem contrived or silly, but I have made up my mind: seeing as I am happy with 9/10 of my life, I am not going to worry anymore about the other 1/10. I am going to do what I will and have fun and dig in and live life. And whenever those nagging thoughts come into my head I am going to remind the universe that it is responsible for that, and I am going to go right on being me.